


White Picket Fences

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: OFF (Game)
Genre: Gen, Human AU, Kid Fic, Lots of sex jokes, May add tags as i go, Multi, dedan's a good dad, hi my name is zacharie and welcome to jackass, its 2:30 am im already sorry, lots of vore jokes, no one is hetero, not really a joke fic but im certainly not taking this completely seriously, stupid au that I still adore, they're all good dads
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 09:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: Ah, the adventures of living in a small neighborhood in a small town. What with PTA rage, fake episodes of jackass, mass amounts of homosexuality, a tuna cat loving man living down the street, the two vore loving guys next door, and adorable little brothers, this neighborhood couldn't be more interesting. So, naturally, it's all going to end up on the internet one way or another.





	White Picket Fences

"Zacharie! Sucre! If you two don't get your butts back here right now, I will send you to jail!" Zacharie Crapaud laughed loudly and dragged his sister behind him. Sucre was giggling as well, and trying to keep up with her older brother. "I swear to God, you two will be the death of me! You're killing me, you're killing your father!" Zacharie took a hard right turn just past the picket fence of their house, and began hauling Sucre after him.

"Sorry papa, but it had to be done!" Loud laughter could be heard from the house as Valerie slammed the front door open and chased after his kids. He was covered in shattered eggs, yolks running down his face, shirt sticky, and hair wet. Several cats leaped out the door after him, and a strangled cry came from in the house.

"My babies! Valerie, watch what you're doing!" Pablo scooped up two of the cats and held them closely to his chest. He chuckled at his family, his little brother chasing their kids down the street, shaking his fist. Zacharie grabbed onto one of the continuous posts in the picket fences that circled their entire neighborhood and swung himself over it, Sucre right on his heals. Pablo made a mental note to call Alpha later and make sure his children weren't dead before heading back inside. Valerie leaned over the fence and continued yelling at the kids, but no one seemed to mind. 

This sort of thing happens all the time in Zone Zero.

 

"Hello Mister Zacharie, hello Miss Sucre." Both teens grinned at the small boy who didn't seem at all surprised that they had busted in through his back door.

"Hello Hugo! What're you doing in here?"

"Vader said I could have a ham sandwich for lunch. Can one of you open the fridge for me?" Sucre nodded and walked around the child to open the fridge. Someone came wandering down the stairs, and Zacharie perked up.

"Ah, hello Batter! How are you today?" Batter smiled and crossed the room to kiss Zacharie's forehead, while Sucre handed Hugo the ham. 

"'m fine. I heard your papa outside yelling, is everything alright?" Sucre giggled and Zacharie grinned. "What did you do?"

"We egged him." Batter rolled his eyes and headed back towards the stairs. 

"Vader is up here if you want to come say hi." Sucre grinned and bounded for the stairs, Zacharie close behind. "Are you coming Hugo?"

"In a second." Batter nodded and the three teens headed up the stairs. 

 

"Babe!" Sucre hopped into Vader's lap the second she saw her, and licked her cheek quickly. Vader chuckled and put a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder.

"Hello sugar dear, its wonderful to see you. It's been what, two, three hours?"

"Four actually." Batter sat on the bed beside Vader, and Zacharie sat on the edge, leaning against his boyfriend. 

"I think that's a new record."

"Did you two pull another prank?" A moment of silence as the siblings just grinned. "Why is Batter's house your escape plan?"

"Because it's the only other house in Zone Zero, and his parents are rarely home when we pull pranks. Plus, we get to see you two this way." Batter nuzzled into Zacharie's hair, and he laughed. "Affectionate today are we?"

"It's been four hours, clearly he missed you." Zacharie laughed again and Sucre wiggled out of Vader's lap.

"We should do something!"

"Like what?"

"I dunno, just something! Sitting around is boring!"

"We've only been here for three minut-"

"I've been meaning to take Hugo to the park. It's a bit far, but I'm sure the Elsen miss him." As if on queue, Hugo came plodding up the stairs, a sandwich held tightly in his grip. "Would you like that sweetheart? To go to the park?"

"Will my friends be there?"

"Only one way to find out!" Sucre scooped Hugo up, and he shrieked with joy as she swung him onto her shoulders.

"Better take the back exit, papa could still be out front." She flashed an okay sign to her brother before hopping down the stairs, Hugo laughing on her back. 

"She's so much better with him than you are."

"You made the right decision then." Zacharie shook his head and stood up to follow his sister. Batter and Vader have their own language sometimes, he swears.

 

"Hugo!" Several children of various ages swarmed Sucre the second she stepped into the park. She quickly set Hugo on the ground and backed away slowly from the mass of siblings who were all tired of playing with each other, and were glad to see their friend again.

"Are they just always here?" Zacharie shrugged, and Batter huffed quietly, scanning the park himself. "Anyone up for baseball?"

"I'm always ready to throw balls at you, if that's what you mean."

"I can't tell if that's a euphemism or not."

"Have you met me?" 

"Zacharie, there are children here, show some respect." Zacharie just grinned as Vader rolled her eyes.

"I will pitch for you though Batter, as long as you can find a ball." Batter nodded, and the two of them went off to find a place to play.

"Hi Sucre!" Both girls grinned and waved at Enoch, going over to say hi. Their neighborhood may be split oddly into three little groups, but that doesn't mean that their friendships are. "Hello to you to Vader, how are you ladies doing today?"

"We're fine! How're you?"

"Peachy. Although I am a bit worried about Dedan. He should have been here by now."

"Probably over working again." Enoch hummed and ruffled Sucre's hair. 

"Why don't you girls run off and have fun, the whereabouts of my husband area none of your concern."

"Okay. Oh, but if Japhet's here, tell him papa is currently covered in food."

"I'm sorry, what?" Sucre giggled, and Vader simply walked away, not willing to hear this conversation. "You are talking about Valerie, right?"

"Yup! It's raw egg, but I'm sure you could get him blushing hard enough to cook them." Enoch put his head in his hands as Japhet nodded slowly.

"Enoch, ole buddy ole pal, can you watch my kids for a bit?"

"You need serous help."

"Thank you!" And with that Japhet raced off in the direction the teens had just come from.

"Sorry about that Mr. Enoch. I should probably find Vader though. It was nice seeing you!" 

"Nice seeing you too sugar! But seriously, don't encourage them."

"No promises!"

 

"Ey batter batter, ey batter batter swing!" 

"Zacharie stop it! How old is that movie?" Sucre giggled and sat on the grass next to her girlfriend and watched Zacharie hurl a ball at Batter. He hit it with ease, watching it sour over Zavharie's head and into the field behind him.

"Another would be homerun. Impressive." Zacharie winked at Batter before running off to find the ball. 

"Does Hugo know where we are?" Vader nodded, and turned around to wave at her little brother. He barely saw her because of all his friends, but waved back when he did notice. "He's so cute." 

"Very. I'm very glad to have him." Sucre grinned at Vader, and she returned the smile, though much more subtly.

"Batter! I think you evaporated it!" 

"What?"

"I can't find the dang thing!"

"Look harder!"

"Why don't you help me, you butt?" Sucre laughed, and Vader shook her head as the other two argued.

 

Yup, just an average day for the neighborhood. Maybe not what most people would call normal, but hey, this place has always been a bit off.


End file.
